Shared Parental Leave: I Took It and More Dads Should

The idea of shared parental leave isn't such a new one to me.

A positive reaction

I come from Sweden where it is far more usual than in the UK for fathers - or non-birthing partners - to take extended time off when their baby is born. So the idea of taking shared parental leave was definitely something I was interested in when we knew we were expecting a baby. It wasn't something that I knew a great deal about but I spoke to one of the HR team here and the reaction was great; they were really positive about it, especially because there hadn't been that many others in our department who had opted for this and they were keen to encourage it.

Sharing out the leave

Our baby was born in May last year and my wife took the first six months to be with her. I had two weeks standard paternity leave as well, this was unaffected by shared parental leave arrangements. At the end of November, I then began my share of parental leave - and because my wife simultaneously took a month's accrued holiday leave we were able to enjoy the whole of December off work together with our daughter. During this period, we were able to travel with our little one and visit relatives in the US, which was great to be able to do as a family. My wife then went back to work in January, and I carried on as the primary carer until the end of February.

Both back full-time

We're both now back full-time at work. I drop our daughter off at the nursery on the way to work in the morning, and my wife collects her in the afternoon. Luckily, it is only thirty minutes for us from work door to nursery door, and most of the time we are able to make it all work as we move on with work and family life.

For anyone else planning their options, I'd definitely recommend sharing parental leave - for a number of reasons...

A more confident parent

Firstly, it's made me a more confident parent. My wife recently went on a couple of work trips and having to cope on my own with our daughter didn't worry me at all. What's more, whilst I don't know what lies ahead in terms of my relationship with my daughter, having this time with her when she is so very young has been wonderful for me to be able to get to know her and make a deep connection. She is just as likely to call for her mummy or her daddy when she needs something and is equally happy when either one of us attends to her.

A better partner

Secondly, I would say it has made me a better partner to my wife. We've both spent extended periods of time as the main primary carer and so not only do I have a much better appreciation of what she went through, she also - by her own admission - has learnt to be a better partner too; understanding what it is like to be the 'working half' of the couple and come home to the 'caring' partner. It's added another, deeper, dimension to our relationship because we have both sacrificed time to care for our baby and not just to our careers.

Of course, I don't claim to be equal in this respect; she not only took more time off, but she also carried the baby for nine months beforehand, but there is a deeper respect and understanding on both sides for sure. This has been so important - especially when in this first year there have been so many unexpected moments where one of us has needed the other to really help out.

A more efficient team member

Finally, I would say the experience has made me more efficient as an employee and team member. I need to come and go from work at set times these days and so I really focus on how I plan my day and knowing what my deliverables look like in both the short- and medium-term, so I can plan them and contribute more effiectively.

I had a lot of support from my employer and all my immediate team were very positive about it. I was the first father amongst them to take shared parental leave and in addition to their support, I had the benefit of help from the transition team at the bank. They helped me plan what I needed to do before going on leave, and after returning from leave, and I was able to get objective advice on any issues that arose.

Equalising gender roles

Overall, shared parental leave has been such a positive experience for me and my family, but I also think there is another important consideration. I believe that in light of the gender pay issues that are now rightly beginning to be addressed, there is a significant role for shared parental leave. Of course, the importance of equalising the situation by hiring more women in senior positions is clear, but another contributory solution is to change the working environment - and attitudes as to who can be a child's primary carer.

One way to do this is to remove the expectation that when people have children that the role of primary carer will always fall to the birth mother, and promote the idea that fathers can also be primary carer.

Take the opportunity

It may be difficult to envisage widespread uptake in all situations, but it is possible and I believe would be very beneficial in workplaces and families everywhere. If more parents take advantage of the opportunity it will only help accelerate the process.

Of course, it will always be a balancing act. In every family situation, there will be different circumstances, but for me and my wife, it's been nothing but a positive experience.

----
 

Karl Hyden; father of a happy, healthy baby, and enjoying his work and family life

Parental Leave Toolkit

Your parental leave plan

A simple way to manage your leave and return, at work and at home. Create a managed plan, or browse all the resources available.

Access Leave Plan